Well, it has been some time now hasn't it? So, so, so much has happened since Oct. My husband has been away since Nov. and in that time frame my children and I have travelled literally from coast to coast. When my husband left, I packed up the house and put it in storage and headed off for the west coast. It was my intention to stay there for the remainder of hubby's deployment, however, as we all know, plans change. So, I spent the month of Nov and a portion of Dec in Bend, Oregon. I love Bend! It is breath-taking! It is called the "high desert". It is a desert, but all around you are these beautiful snow covered mountains. Love it! So anyway, after my adventures in Oregon, I headed off for the frozen tundra known as North Dakota. Holy cow! Can you say cold? Now, I grew up in ND, however, after being gone for some time, it absolutely amazes me how people actually survive in this land of ice and below zero temperatures. I kid you not, one night while I was there, the actual temperature was -48 degrees. The windchill was around -55. I cannot believe I lived there and at one point said I would rather be cold than hot! Just for the record, I hate ND winters! Always have and always will! Moving on. So I spent Christmas and a better part of Jan in ND with my parents. I had a wonderful time being with family. I have been so blessed to be part of a family that has given me much love and support. My family has made me who I am today. The love of my parents has fashioned me into the mother that I am to my children. My family means so much to me and I could not have asked for a better family to be part of.
After my visit in ND, I started to make my way back to VA. En route, I stopped for a few days in Ohio to see my mom's side of the family. I had a great time visiting with them and was able to relax and rest for a bit. I then headed forward, on to VA. The moment I arrived, the work started. I had some help from the church here to get my things moved into our new apartment. That was such a huge blessing to me. Since then, it has not stopped. My mom was able to come out for a few days before she headed north to see my sister and her new baby.
During this time, I have been faced with some of the hardest times I have experienced in a long time. As I said before, my hubby is deployed, so while he is gone, everything falls on my shoulders. Ladies, let me tell you, there is a good reason the man is supposed to be the head of the house. I have never before felt like just giving up so many times as I have during this deployment. If it were just me, I probably would have given up, but I have children that I need to care for. So, here I am, faced with either having a total meltdown and not being able to care for my kids, or, falling on my knees and asking God to please give me the strength to carry on for just one more day. Do I really have an alternative? Can I really fail my children? NO! I have to ask God everyday to just get me through this day. Get me to the other side of this deployment so that I can see my husband and the father of my children come home to us. Drag me, push me, carry me, do what ever you have to do to get me to the other side Lord, please, I need to be in my husband's arms again. I have cried so much that I cannot even count how many times, AND I HATE CRYING! So as you can see, the Lord has been ever faithful and has brought me through every day. Hubby is still not home, but the Lord will see me through; "His mercies are new every morning" right?
On a lighter note, I have started to work on my physical transformation that I mentioned in my first blog. I joined the YMCA so that I could work out and have a place for my children to go during this time. I had my first meeting with a trainer this past week. I am excited to get into a groove and work my tail off~literally! If I could just get my kids to stay healthy, then maybe I could get into the gym more than once a week. It seems that everytime they get better, we go out to run errands and whatnot, and the next day, they are down again.
So, that is where things stand for now. Just working to survive this time without hubby & daddy, and trying to get some things accomplished in the midst of it all.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Friday, October 17, 2008
Where to begin?
Ok, so, the title for my blog spot is a vision for transformation. This is the ultimate goal for the life of a Christian is it not? To be transformed into the likeness of Christ? Wow, if that isn't a mouthful. So my first thought when I think of this is "absolute failure" and a lifetime of struggles. However, this is not true if I would gain the right perspective and attitude. This, is much easier said than done. I do know that the Scripture says, " I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." What I do not know is why I fail to claim this promise from God. I certainly do know that I can do absolutely nothing without Him. I have tried to live my life the way I thought a Christian should, but tried to do it all in my own power. That failed miserably. I guess I should start with a quick rundown of my testimony. Here goes.
I grew up in a Christian home. I really do not remember what age I was when I made my first profession of salvation. I do remember making a few more professions throughout my teen years. Every time I made a profession, I waited for this "emotion" to hit me and let me know that I was saved. I never did get that "feeling". I guessed then that I just needed to start living my life like a Christian. At first, I would do fine, then as the months wore on, I would grow weary of trying so hard. The true colors would start to shine through. So, I grew up into adulthood still professing to be saved, but all the time knowing that something was not right. When I was 31, my husband and I and our daughter were living in North Dakota where I grew up. For months the Lord had been convicting me of the condition of my heart. Due to some circumstances in our lives, I was at the bottom of the barrel wondering how much more could I really take? I had a lifelong friend that had recently received Christ as her Saviour, and I was amazed at the transformation that had taken place in her life. I started talking to her and asking her questions about her conviction and what had stopped her from being saved with her previous professions. She gave me some Scriptures to read. I started reading and asking God to show me what was going on. Well, one night, I was just literally at the end of myself, and I knelt and asked to God to just take it all, I didn't want any of it anymore. I was done doing it all on my own and needed Him more than ever. Through the process, God showed me that it was nothing I could ever do. I had to give it all to Him and let Him do it. Remember when I talked about waiting for the "emotion"? After I asked the Lord to take my sin and make me a new person, I was overwhelmed with peace and gratitude. All I could say was "Thank you Lord". I literally had no other words but thank you.
So, looking back on my struggle with salvation, I see that I still do the same thing today. I try to be Christ-like, but I have realized that it is ME trying to do it all again. I HAVE to give it to the Lord and let Him do the work in me. So, Lord only knows when and how this transformation will take place, but that is my goal, to see my life transformed into something Christ honoring. I have such a loooooong way to go, but I am willing to allow the Lord to work in me and mold me into His servant.
I ask that you please keep me in your prayers. Satan works so hard at keeping us from being what the Lord would have us to be. If he can't keep us from salvation, he will try to keep us from servanthood. I do not want to be a battle that Satan wins. I envy your prayers on my road to transformation.
...That was all just the spiritual realm of transformation, the physical realm, YIKES!! A whole other story to be told some other time...
I grew up in a Christian home. I really do not remember what age I was when I made my first profession of salvation. I do remember making a few more professions throughout my teen years. Every time I made a profession, I waited for this "emotion" to hit me and let me know that I was saved. I never did get that "feeling". I guessed then that I just needed to start living my life like a Christian. At first, I would do fine, then as the months wore on, I would grow weary of trying so hard. The true colors would start to shine through. So, I grew up into adulthood still professing to be saved, but all the time knowing that something was not right. When I was 31, my husband and I and our daughter were living in North Dakota where I grew up. For months the Lord had been convicting me of the condition of my heart. Due to some circumstances in our lives, I was at the bottom of the barrel wondering how much more could I really take? I had a lifelong friend that had recently received Christ as her Saviour, and I was amazed at the transformation that had taken place in her life. I started talking to her and asking her questions about her conviction and what had stopped her from being saved with her previous professions. She gave me some Scriptures to read. I started reading and asking God to show me what was going on. Well, one night, I was just literally at the end of myself, and I knelt and asked to God to just take it all, I didn't want any of it anymore. I was done doing it all on my own and needed Him more than ever. Through the process, God showed me that it was nothing I could ever do. I had to give it all to Him and let Him do it. Remember when I talked about waiting for the "emotion"? After I asked the Lord to take my sin and make me a new person, I was overwhelmed with peace and gratitude. All I could say was "Thank you Lord". I literally had no other words but thank you.
So, looking back on my struggle with salvation, I see that I still do the same thing today. I try to be Christ-like, but I have realized that it is ME trying to do it all again. I HAVE to give it to the Lord and let Him do the work in me. So, Lord only knows when and how this transformation will take place, but that is my goal, to see my life transformed into something Christ honoring. I have such a loooooong way to go, but I am willing to allow the Lord to work in me and mold me into His servant.
I ask that you please keep me in your prayers. Satan works so hard at keeping us from being what the Lord would have us to be. If he can't keep us from salvation, he will try to keep us from servanthood. I do not want to be a battle that Satan wins. I envy your prayers on my road to transformation.
...That was all just the spiritual realm of transformation, the physical realm, YIKES!! A whole other story to be told some other time...
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